(Photo Courtesy of NBC San Diego)
Well, we’re two weeks into fantasy football and I’m sure the excuses are already flying like Bald Eagles with the American flag in their mouths. Usually these complaints range from “my best player was injured” all the way to “I had an unlucky matchup.” At any rate this is what we love. The excitement comes with the frustration and Sundays would not be the same without a few broken television sets or smashed remotes.
McNabb’s Goofballs (John Slisz) 107
1017 Brick Squad (Adam Augustyn) 76
Terrell Owens and Donovan McNabb coached my team to victory this week. Rodgers and Brandon Marshall received some last second advice and adjustments from McNabb and Owens respectively and performed on another level combining for 49 of the team’s 107 points. The Cardinals defense and Dan Carpenter had some favorable matchups and were the insurance policy McNabb’s Goofballs needed.
The Brick Squad had some bad luck as Jamaal Charles left the game early with a high ankle sprain. Fred Jackson played well subjectively, but a lot was left to be desired on paper with a 2 yard per attempt average. Unfortunately, Ahmad Bradshaw had his best game in years on the bench. Andrew Luck made a few hiccups in the surprise upset of the week, but this team is primed for a rebound in week 3 as long as Jamaal makes it back into the starting lineup.
L’Carpetron Dookmariot (Zac Hirschbeck) 90
The Bad Guys (Matthew Chase) 69
The Bad Guys had a rough week as Ryan Matthews left the game with an MCL sprain and Steven Jackson continues to share the Falcons backfield with a number of other backs. Demariyus is starting this season off pretty slowly as Peyton loves to distribute the ball to all his receivers as evenly as possible. The Red Zone put Nick Foles in the “friend zone” this week, which may have hurt Jeremy Maclin’s feelings as well. On the other hand L’Carpetron is steamrolling so far this season with two solid wins. Tom Brady must have really got in Giovanni Bernard’s ear as he went off for 22 points and the Buffalo Bills defense roared onto the field Sunday with the rejuvenation that comes maybe once a decade. With Terry Pegula purchasing the team and reassuring its stay in Western New York, the team performed about as effectively as possible causing constant pressure on Ryan Tannehill and breaking up as many plays as possible. The jury is still out on Eddy Lacy as he tries to put a concussion and slow start behind him in preparation for week 3.
Team odonnell (Nate O’Donnell) 61
Team docks (Brian Dockstader) 53
Jay Cutler single-handedly willed Team odonnell to victory with three saucy tosses to no other than his partner in crime, Brandon Marshall. It seems both teams held out hope that even though their starting running backs were both ruled out of their matchups (Martin and Peterson) they would magically appear after kickoff to deliver their best fantasy outings to date. I’m sure they were disappointed to find out that didn’t happen. Julio Jones and Frank Gore did their part to ensure a victory while Stafford suffered against a potent Carolina defense and Jordan Cameron did not play. Reggie Bush lost some touches to Joique Bell and Dwayne Bowe is simply not the mismatch he was a few seasons ago. Tough week.
T.C. Williams HS Titans (Matt Newman) 70
Marci Buehler’s Tears (Tim Hirschbeck) 76
I’m sure Matt is kicking himself a few times for not playing the New England Patriots defense, which led defenses in scoring with a touchdown, fumble recovery and four interceptions. That would have given him the victory he needed this week. The running back plague is all too real this year and it has been causing nothing but headaches for managers all throughout the league. Peyton Manning led the team in points as usual and Dez Bryant rebounded for a much stronger effort versus a surprisingly talented Titans defense. The Butter Lamb weekly “Rise Up” award (which we definitely should have) goes to Delanie Walker for proving that he is better than people think he is. He dominated a decimated Cowboys JV defense for a whopping 20 points. CJ Spiller fed off the energy of Ralph Wilson stadium and did his best Devon Hester impression to propel the Bills to a win. Close game!
Team Hannon (Dan Hannon) 74
Team Brunner (CJ Brunner) 85
CJ got a strong performance from Cam Newton and had two of the best running back performances of the day with DeMarco Murray bull-rushing his way to the end-zone and Arian Foster proving he can play an entire four quarters without getting injured. Victor Cruz forgot how to play football/salsa dance and it may be time to admit that Larry Fitzgerald has lost a step these days. Team Hannon suffered a big loss when RG3 went down awkwardly on his ankle and Eric Decker left in the 3rd quarter with a tight hamstring. LeSean McCoy did his best to will the team to victory, but Darren Sproles ever so rudely stole the spotlight from his partner in crime. The Buccaneers defense tried to do their best Jack Sparrow impression, but played more like bunch of Jack Nicholson’s. Much left to be desired from Zac Stacy this season!
Team Coots (Sean Coots) 105
Team Doyle (Jim Doyle) 95
This matchup was an instance where both teams really deserved a win this week. Russell Wilson is something else. He could throw two passes all game and still rack up fantasy points. He’s a fantasy samurai and reminiscent of Splinter Cell. I can’t think of any corny Cobb jokes and T.Y. must stand for ‘Thank You’ every time Andrew Luck decided to throw him a ball. Someone should tell Darren Sproles he’s too old to play this young and Alfred Morris surprisingly outplayed Matt Forte. Unfortunately, Coots had the last hurrah this week. Jordy Nelson torched the Jets defense for 200 yards and Jimmy Graham did his best Jimmy Graham impression. Someone tell Julian Edelman that that was supposed to be Danny Amendola’s job!
Play Tiimmmeeee (Rob Sozanski) 78
Team Buehler (Marci Buehler) 75
When your kicker leads your team in points….you’re obviously in good shape to win!
Nick Novak did just that for Play Tiimmmeeee as he single-footedly brought the San Diego Chargers a victory against the Legion of Boom. Solid outings by Colin Kaepernick and Marshawn Lynch gave the team a win in a tight matchup. Kirk Cousins refused to give Pierre Garcon the ball due to their messy breakup and isn’t it ironic that Jared Cook is never heating up?? Team Buehler employed the ‘back up…did you put backups in?’ approach with total success. Rainey and Hill made up for another unfortunate injury to A.J. Green, but it wasn’t enough to deliver a win. It’s assured that Tim Hirschbeck will enjoy this turnout.