(Photo Courtesy of Growing Gibsons)
L’Carpetron Dookmariot (Zac Hirschbeck) 84
Team Hannon (Dan Hannon) 82
After I stumbled out of the gates with a less-than-stellar performance from the concussed Eddie Lacy, I rallied late with a solid performance from Colts receiver Reggie Wayne. Neither team had any dominant performances as my high scorers were Roddy White and Martellus Bennett (13 points apiece) and Dan’s were Antonio Brown (17) and Vernon Davis (16). Perhaps Brown should have been awarded extra points for this:
Marci Buehler’s Tears (Tim Hirschbeck) 109
McNabb’s Goofballs (John Slisz) 103
The other member of the Hirschbeck family was also victorious this week (Yeah Family Pride!) My dearest father benefitted from Calvin Johnson doing Calvin Johnson things (28 points), and from Matt Bryant kicking the shit out of some field goals (18 points). John Slisz, despite possessing a roster that features two retired pros (Donovan McNabb and Terrell Owens) managed to put up 103 points, which was third best in the league. While no player scored more than 15 points, 7 of his 9 starters did post double digits. Although a moral victory certainly is present, time will tell how long Riley Cooper’s presence in the locker room will remain a non-issue. It’s difficult to imagine Brandon Marshall taking too kindly to Riley’s blatant racism, and his affinity for Kenny Chesney.
T.C Williams HS Titans (Matt Newman) 83
Team odonnell (Nathan O’Donnell) 62
While Gerry Bertier failed to suit up this past week for Newman’s squad, they did manage to pull out a Week One win against the defenseless Team odonnell. Newman benefitted from young upstart Peyton Manning’s big first-half, and DeAndre Hopkins’ long touchdown reception against Washington. Odonnell meanwhile made a bold decision to not start a Defense/Special Teams unit this week. Apparently he wasn’t pleased with the Jets’ week of practice. Doug Martin certainly didn’t inspire confidence either with a 10-touch, 16-yard performance against Carolina.
Team Coots (Sean Coots) 85
The Bad Guys (Matt Chase (56)
A dismal all-around first week for Matthew Chase as he managed to go 4-12 in the weekly pick-em AND drop a 56 WHILE actually starting a defense in Week One. However, after watching the Saints post a -7 against the Falcons, he would have been better off simply leaving an empty spot. Rob Ryan = Defensive Genius. Sean benefitted from Matt Ryan’s 30 points. Ryan certainly looked the part of a top fantasy quarterback in Week One. Time will tell if he can put forth such an effort on a consistent basis.
Play Tiimmmeeee (Rob Sozanski) 109
Team Brunner (CJ Brunner) 58
Rob Sozanski has to be an early favorite to take home the league. The lone auto-picker has a roster stacked with quality running backs. Hit-and-Run/Weed enthusiasts Marshawn Lynch and Le’Veon Bell buoyed Sozanski’s win with 24 points apiece. Team Brunner wasn’t nearly as fortunate. While CJ’s affection for kickers and defensive units did produce double-digit weeks from both those slots, his starting receivers (Cruz and Fitzgerald) combined for four points. Fun stat: Rob’s bench outscored CJ’s starters 60-58.
1017 Brick Squad (Adam Augustyn) 96
Team Doyle (Jim Doyle) 92
Despite a steady stream of production from Doyle’s starters, a pair of big-time performers on Sunday night lifted Augustyn to a Week One win. Julius Thomas had an enormous game (28 points) and Andrew Luck (25 points) rallied his Colts after a dismal first-half road effort. Even with the disappointing defeat, Team Doyle doesn’t appear to be in any trouble moving forward.
Team docks (Brian Dockstader) 92
Team Buehler (Marci Buehler) 57
While Dockstader did have great performances from Matt Stafford (29 points), Cordarrelle Patterson (18 points) and Knowshon Moreno (19 points), I’d blame this result solely on Marci’s controversial decision to roster Ray Rice in Week One. Morale had to be at questionable levels in the dressing room after the league’s sole female member turned her eyes away from Ray’s off-the-field actions. The Butter Lamb will be conducting a thorough investigation as to whether Marci knew of, and had seen the recently released TMZ tape. In the meantime, Marci will certainly hope Drew Brees can rally the troops, as Rice’s departure will certainly leave room for distraction in the coming weeks.
Waiver Wire Update
–Rob Sozanski picked up JAX WR Allen Hurns and dropped TB QB Josh McCown
-Matt Newman picked up BAL RB Justin Forsett and CLE RB Isaiah Crowell. He dropped DEN WR Cody Latimer and CHI RB Ka’Deem Carey.
-Adam Augustyn swapped defenses, dropping the Browns for the Redskins.
-Marci Buehler picked up TB RB Bobby Rainey and STL WR Brian Quick. She dropped WAS TE Jordan Reed and BAL RB Ray Rice.
Week Two Matchups
L’Carpetron Dookmariot (1-0) vs. The Bad Guys (0-1)
T.C Williams HS Titans (1-0) vs. Marci Buehler’s Tears (1-0)
Team Hannon (0-1) vs. Team Brunner (0-1)
McNabb’s Goofballs (0-1) vs. 1017 Brick Squad (1-0)
Team odonnell (0-1) vs. Team docks (1-0)
Team Coots (1-0) vs. Team Doyle (0-1)
Play Tiimmmeeee (1-0) vs. Team Buehler (0-1)